


Still The Same Me

by bookobsessedwizard



Category: OMFGitsJackandDean, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alpha Dean, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst and Feels, Gen, Hurt/Kinda Comfort but not really because no one knows how to react, I regret this, M/M, No Smut, Omega Jack, Omega Verse, Past Rape/Non-con, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Poor Jack Howard, So much angst, THIS FANDOM IS SO DEAD AND I CAN'T OMG, This is pretty platonic tbh - Freeform, fake beta!dean, fake beta!jack, it's shippable if you squint, its not creepy ok, non-graphic past rape, not described in detail, pretending to be someone you're not, this is pretty weird tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 00:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20416646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookobsessedwizard/pseuds/bookobsessedwizard
Summary: Jack is a very alpha-presenting omega. Dean, on the other hand, is very omega-presenting but is actually an alpha. For this reason, they both feel more comfortable presenting themselves to others as betas, using hormone blockers. They meet this way, and both are becoming closer in their relationship, but Dean missing his hormone blockers by one day sends Jack spiralling into a panic attack and Dean has no idea how to help. Perhaps Jack has other reasons for hiding his identity?





	Still The Same Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey a little fyi that this doesn't take place current day! Also, trigger warning for discussion of past rape and some strong language. The assault isn't described in detail and it is more about the character forgiving himself, but please be careful if it's something that bothers you! Thanks, and I hope you enjoy my fic :).

They weren’t the first, and they wouldn’t be the last to do what they did.

Of course, both knew it was a possibility; so many gender deviants masquerade themselves as betas, there were people wondering if there are any “real” betas left. But, seven years into their friendship, they were still keeping up this charade.

Until they couldn’t. Or rather, Dean didn’t.

It had been a complete accident. His rut had been irregular as of late, and he didn’t know what day to switch to his hormone blockers of a higher dosage. And it was only a day. He could go out tomorrow and pick some up, and just stay in today.

Until there’s a knock at the door.

Shit.

He runs into his bedroom and closes the door. “Come in! The door’s unlocked!”

His creaky door opens quickly and latches. “Dean?”

“Jack? What do you want?”

“Hey. So, I’ve been writing this new sketch, but I’m not sure…” Jack keeps talking but Dean can no longer hear him.

“WHAT?”

“I don’t know if people will think it’s funny or not or if it’s just stupid.”

“Don’t worry about it so much. Just get it all down on paper and edit it afterwards.”

“I know! I just wanted your opinion on some things.”

Dean hears footsteps, and he knows that Jack is pacing back and forth outside his door. Which means that he’s anxious to talk to him and plans on staying a while. He wonders if Jack can already smell him.

_Shit_!

Jack keeps talking behind the door, and Dean can’t concentrate on what he’s saying, but he adds in a “Yep” or “Mhm” at all the appropriate pauses, wracking his brain for a solution to his current problem.  
Abruptly, it hits him. Maybe it’s his rut making him braver (or perhaps the right word is reckless and unreasonable) or maybe it’s because he’s terribly sick of keeping up a lie, but he decides to tell Jack the truth.

He takes in a few deep breaths, bracing himself for Jack’s reaction. He knows his friend puts a lot of value in honesty, and it’s understandable that he’ll be upset for keeping something like his true _status_ a secret from him. But he’s sure he’ll be able to patch things up. Eventually. Besides, Jack would be the first person he would tell anyway. He sees no other way out of this situation.

“Just give me a few seconds,” he says, taking a few breaths. Then, he puts on a brave face and confidently steps out of the room. “Jack, really that all sounds like an interesting, funny sketch, but there’s something I have to tell you.”

“Yeah, wha-” Jack turns around from his pacing, and just stops. He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. His eyes go wide, and he’s frozen in place.

“Jack?” Dean wasn’t expecting this. He thought Jack would be angry. He takes a few steps forward and gently grasps Jack’s shoulders. “Jack, I’m sorry. I can explain-”  
He steps back, trance broken. Jack is muttering something under his breath. Dean hears “I’m sorry” and everything else makes no sense. Jack breaks eye contact, looking everywhere but at him. Dean feels a painful pang of guilt rattle in his chest. “Listen, I should have told you-”

Jack is looking paler by the second. Suddenly, he starts screaming, but it isn’t loud. It’s shrill and breathy and suffocated. Dean jumps, startled.  
“Jack! What’s wrong? Jack, talk to me! What the hell is happening?!”

But he doesn’t. He won’t. He still won’t meet his eyes. But he shuts up. He retreats backwards again, tripping on an uneven floor tile and falling on his arse.

“Are you alright?” Dean is freaking out, and debating calling the police, or the hospital. Jack’s gone back to babbling incomprehensible things, and he won’t get off the floor. “Jack?”

When Jack looks up at him, he feels like a ghost. He is looking right through him, to the boring light brown wall behind them. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Dean’s guilt is replaced by confusion and concern.

“I’m sorry! Alpha…” He looks down again, taking in a shallow breath, followed by a quicker one.

A cold, paralyzing dread settles in Dean’s stomach. _Dear lord, what have I done?_  
“Jack,” he says slowly, gently; “Breathe. It’s okay.” He tentatively crouches down.

Jack stays still for a few moments, trying to slow his desperate, gasping breaths, only to crawl backwards with his hands towards the opposite wall. He quickly looks up at Dean, wide eyes shiny with tears. Dean immediately backs off. He hears a small sob escape his friend’s lips, and his heart breaks. This continues for a few minutes, and Dean feels useless. He so badly wants to comfort his friend, but he cannot, because he knows this is his fault. _He’ll just make it worse._

Eventually, the sobs turn to more labored, shaky breaths, and slow to steadier ones. And then, it stops.

“Dean,” Jack starts, voice strained, “What happened?”

“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t-”

_“What. Happened.”_

Dean sighs. “I couldn’t understand what you were saying, so I came out of my room. I knew you’d be angry, but I’m impulsive. Well, I thought you’d be angry…”

They both look at each other, ashamed.  
“But, you just… stopped. You started talking all soft, something I couldn’t hear. I tried to help, but I freaked you out even more…” Dean sighs smaller this time. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been honest with you in the first place…” He wants to say more, but silence falls between them.

“I’m sorry too.”

“What? Why?”

“I haven’t been honest with you either.”

“Whad’ye mean?”

“I’m…Not a beta. I’m an omega, but I’ve been pretending since… Well, from what just happened, I’m sure you can figure it out what happened to me.”

“You don’t mean…” He looked at his friend, mouth going dry. “I’m sorry Jack.”

“Not your fault.” He said drily. He looked down again. “And I’m usually not that sensitive. I’ve just never met any alpha- or anyone, who smelled_ so, so much like him.”_

“I do? God, I’m sorry.”

“That’s not your fault either.” He gets off the ground and plops down into a chair.

“Do you… Want to talk about it?” Dean cringes at his own phrasing.

“Not much to talk about is there?” He lets out a laugh, of the bitter, broken sort. “I couldn’t count on one hand how many friends I’ve got- how many _omegas_\- with the same damn story as me. No one seems to give a shit though. And no one believes them!” His voice becomes tenser with each word that leaves his mouth.

“Right, I know. Sorry, I just thought-”

“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry Dean I’m not mad at you, I just…” He sighs loudly, slumping back in his chair. “I had just started my second year of uni.” He pauses. “I’d known this guy, he was friends with a few of the friends I made, okay? So one time he invited us all to this big party at someone’s flat. I didn’t know the person, but since everyone else was going I figured it would be fine. He had had a few drinks, but it had been a couple hours and he said he was sober. We were all _really_ drunk, he said he’d drive us all home” He swallows, his face hardened. “I should’ve known… I felt like something was off, but I told myself I was being paranoid… I’d heard about this kind of stuff but I never thought-” He clears his throat. “I didn’t share a place with the other two guys who went with him, and my place was farthest away. He dropped me off, but said he wanted a drink of water. I didn’t think about how he was an alpha, I just let him in...” His voice is detached, toneless. “And nothing really came about after it happened.”

Dean sits for a moment, processing what his friend has told him. “That’s it? Jack, what about your friends?”

Jack just purses his lips in response, looking away.

“You never told anyone?”

“Nope. I… didn’t think they would believe me, he was well-liked. Got the pill and the test and that’s it.”

“Jack! He could’ve done that to someone else! He could’ve- _raped_ someone else!”

“I know! It was stupid! I regret it all the time, okay Dean? I just- I was young, I was scared, I didn’t want to be called a liar! And now… It’s too late.” He closes his eyes, crumpling in on himself. “Sometimes I still blame myself.”

“What the fuck? Why would you _ever_ blame yourself?”

“I- Just- should’ve been more careful. You know, watched how much I drank, been less trusting of alphas I didn’t know, don’t invite people in when you’re alone… At some level, it’s my fault.”

“_NO_!” Dean yells, before quieting down. “No. It never was and will never be your fault. You were the-”

“You better not fucking say victim I swear to God.”

Dean sighs. “You’re not to blame for- for what that monster did to you. You shouldn’t have to be more careful than anyone else. Please tell me you understand that. Would you blame any other omega for being violated the way you were?”

“No! God, no. Never.”

“Exactly. What makes you different? Nothing. Listen, Jack, I care about you, a lot. You’re like, my best friend. I couldn’t _live_ with myself knowing that you blame yourself for your own sexual assault.”

Jack only glares at him. He hates himself for it. He wants to say so many things about how much that means to him, and how much he cares about Dean, but he feels the tears welling up in his eyes and he really does want to break down again. He’s already weak. He’s been fighting against his status his entire life; don’t show weakness, don’t be an emotional, submissive omega. “Thank you,” he manages to say, barely above a whisper.

They sit in silence, both ashamed and angry, but not really at each other.

“So how come you present as beta?” Jack says, changing the subject.

“Well, um, it’s nothing like you’ve-” He stops and breathes. “Because I wanted everyone to leave me alone.” He shrugs. “When I told people I was an alpha, they’d laugh. They’d pity me. Some would say “Prove it!” and I didn’t have the energy to defend myself _every single time_, so the taunting got worse. I was in high school, of course, and super insecure. When me moved schools, my parents took pity on me and let me use blockers. I just never stopped I suppose.”

Jack only nods. They sit, not really meeting each other’s eyes. Both wanting to comfort the other, neither having the words.

“You’ve got to promise me one thing Dean,” Jack says softly, emotion returning to his voice.

“Yeah? Anything.”

“That you won’t treat me any different.” He looks Dean in the eye, really looks at him. “That you won’t approach me like a- like a scared animal or look at me like I’m some _broken thing_.” His voice breaks. “_Please, Dean._”

“Promise. I swear, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“_Thank you._”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! The way I talked about gender-defiant people PRETENDING to be something else in the beginning isn't trying to invalidate trans people! You guys are cool and awesome, keep living your life! This is just a fictional world with fictional "genders".
> 
> I probably won't continue this storyline, but if I do, it'll probably be a series of stand-alone works.
> 
> Also if you got this far thanks for reading my fic! This is my first on this site, and constructive criticism is welcomed.


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